Posey Legal, PC

Portland Collaborative Divorce & Estate Planning

(503) 241-0818

Jo Posey

What Is A Good Co-Parenting Relationship?

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The effects of a divorce on the children involved can be detrimental to their development into healthy adults. A 2019 study published in the journal World Psychology revealed that while most children of divorce go on to lead well-adjusted lives, some may face a variety of problems over the course of their lives due to their experiences in the divorce process. A good co-parenting relationship may help mitigate any negative effects from a divorce on children. One of the benefits of the Collaborative Divorce process is that it helps clients work toward that positive co-parenting relationship which ultimately benefits the children.

Co-Parenting Relationship

Co-parenting is the sharing of parenting responsibilities between the parents who are separating or getting divorced. All families have some framework under which parenting duties are shared and decisions are made, some more functional than others.  When splitting up, some couples get caught up in the animosity of the adversarial process and lose site of what is best for the children.  Dysfunctional parenting frameworks can become even more so when communication breaks down.  Even the best parenting frameworks can become strained by the stress and emotion of a breakup.

How to Achieve a Co-Parenting Relationship

Divorce litigation usually will make an already strained relationship worse. The process of preparing for trial—think lawyers digging into financial records and questioning each partner in costly depositions—encourages each side to become more adversarial and further entrenched in a dysfunctional parenting framework. The animosity and resentment engendered can affect the relationship for years after the divorce is final.

To better facilitate a co-parenting relationship, Collaborative Divorce fosters an environment conducive to creating a positive co-parenting relationship. Collaborative Divorce encourages the couple to communicate, problem solve, and compromise rather than battle it out in a zero-sum game, building the foundation for a more effective co-parenting relationship when the case is over.

Why Co-Parenting Helps

A good co-parenting relationship benefits parents and children alike. If the parents are able to communicate and trust one another, it makes both of their lives easier. Dealing with unforeseen circumstances, like a change in the time to pick up the kids for a holiday visit, can be achieved easily and without acrimony. It may also mean that they are more willing to share time and responsibilities, giving each parent ample time to build a solid relationship with the kids.

Good communication between parents helps keep children from being placed in the middle of parenting decisions or acting as a go-between for their parents.  When they know their parents are on the same page, children are discouraged from trying to play them off one another to meet their own agenda.

As the study in World Psychology notes, children are negatively affected by a bitter divorce. Ask your friends or colleagues whose parents are divorced, and they will probably back up the psychologist’ findings with anecdotal evidence of their own. Their stories may differ based on whether their parents divorced with hostility and resentment verses those whose parents worked to treat each other with respect and dignity, communicate better, and rebuild some level of trust. When a child’s needs are truly prioritized by both parents during divorce, they have a much better chance of growing into health, happy adults.

This article was originally published on Bridgesdivorce.com at the following link: https://bridgesdivorce.com/children-and-co-parenting-what-is-a-good-relationship/

The Advantages of a Prenuptial Agreement   

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Almost every engaged couple can benefit from getting a prenuptial agreement prior to their wedding day. Not only does a prenup protect the income and assets each spouse brings into the marriage, but it also encourages couples to discuss their goals and intentions, ensuring they are on the same page when it comes to long-term financial and family planning.

Why Get a Prenup?

Marriage automatically creates certain rights and responsibilities between spouses which govern what happens to their income and assets in the event of divorce or death. Without a prenuptial agreement in place, state law will govern the allocation of the income and assets of the marriage in the event of divorce or the death of a spouse. Sometimes, the proper outcome under the law is complicated and unclear, leading to prolonged legal battles. Other times, a couple may discuss and intend on a certain result, but find their intentions superseded by state law in the absence of a written agreement.

In addition to these considerations, the process of creating a prenuptial agreement requires a couple to take the time at the beginning of their relationship, while everyone is getting along, to think through what a fair outcome might be in the event the marriage does not work out. Negotiating a prenup need not be an adversarial process. Rather, the parties can work with a resolution-oriented attorney, a mediator, or use the Collaborative process to work out the details of their prenuptial agreement together.  

There are several specific situations in which prenuptial agreements are particularly helpful, including when one or both spouses:

Advantages of Prenuptial Agreements
  • Have or are set to receive an interest in a closely held family business
  • Are bringing significant assets into the marriage which they want to keep separate in the event the marriage ends
  • Have children from a prior relationship they intend to inherit some or all their estate (instead of the new spouse becoming the primary beneficiary automatically)
  • Have or are set to receive a sizeable inheritance
  • Wish to make agreements prior to the marriage that would supersede state law requirements on the payment of spousal support (alimony)

What to Include in the Prenup?

There is no such thing as a standard prenuptial agreement. Each family is unique and the prenup should be tailored to fit their needs. Some of the topics a couple may want to discuss and include in their prenup are: 

  • How will we handle our money during the marriage? Will we have a joint bank account we each deposit money into, or will we keep our accounts separate? 
  • If we intend to keep separate bank accounts, how will we divvy up our shared household expenses and other bills each month? 
  • What is an equitable way to share our monthly expenses if one of us has substantially more income than the other? 
  • If we plan to have children, do we intend for one of us to be a stay-at-home parent for a time, forgoing a career?  
  • If our incomes are disproportionate and we divorce, how will the lower-earning spouse support themselves after the marriage? 
  • If we are bringing separate assets into the marriage, what do we need to do to keep them separate?  
  • What can we do if we both change our minds about a provision in our prenuptial agreement down the road? 
  • How do we make sure our children from a prior relationship receive a portion of our assets if we die during the marriage? 

What Cannot Be Included in a Prenup?

Under Oregon law, a prenuptial agreement cannot address issues of child support, custody, and parenting time. Those issues can only be decided if and when you divorce.

Timing

A prenuptial agreement should not be signed in haste. The process of cooperatively negotiating a prenuptial agreement can take time, and couples should begin working on it early on (ideally at least six months ahead of the wedding date).  

Contact us at Posey Legal, P.C. for more information on how we can work with you and your fiancé to help prepare your prenuptial agreement, and we will schedule a consultation with one of our experienced prenuptial agreement attorneys. 

Five Steps to Begin a Divorce

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  1. Research Process Options. Consider your goals and select a process option that will help you reach them. If you and your spouse already agree on many areas of your divorce, you may be able to resolve your case through mediation, or on your own with the help of an attorney to draft your paperwork. If your case is more complicated but you are committed to ending your marriage cooperatively, Collaborative Divorce may be a good fit. If your spouse is threatening to cut you off financially, hide assets, withhold the children, or if there are other safety concerns, you may need to pursue court litigation to protect yourself and your children.
  1. Retain an Attorney. Divorce is complicated and getting advice from an attorney early in the process can help avoid major issues down the road. It is important to make sure that the attorney you hire is a good match for you and your case. Research several potential attorneys and schedule consultations with more than one before deciding who to retain. Make sure the attorneys you meet with offer the services you need depending on the process options you are leaning toward (e.g., unbundled legal services, mediation support, Collaborative Law, or litigation).
  1. Share information with your Attorney. In order to best advise you, your attorney will need a comprehensive and detailed understanding of your circumstances. The sooner you can provide your attorney with requested financial and other records, the sooner your attorney can help you develop your case strategy and settlement options. It is important to be open and honest with your attorney, even if some details are unflattering or embarrassing. Your attorney needs to be aware of both the positives and negatives of your case to help develop an effective strategy. Remember that with very few exceptions, everything you disclose to your attorney is protected by attorney-client privilege.
  1. Initiate the Divorce Process. Your attorney will help you prepare the legal documents required to initiate your dissolution. In a litigated divorce, your attorney will prepare a petition, summons, and other court documents to be filed with the court and served on your spouse. These documents set out the basis of your case and what you are asking for in the divorce process. Your attorney will help you determine whether additional documents should also be filed with the court to protect your interests, such as a request for a restraining order locking the existing parenting plan in place, or a request for temporary financial support.

    In a Collaborative Divorce, your attorney will prepare a Collaborative Participation Agreement for you and your spouse to sign. In mediation, your mediator will prepare a Mediation Services Agreement for you and your spouse to sign.
  1. Service. The process of delivering the initial court filings to your spouse is called “service.” Traditionally, service is accomplished by hiring a process server to hand-deliver the papers to your spouse. This process can feel aggressive and adversarial, and many divorcing spouses agree instead to accept service voluntarily rather than having a process server catch them off guard. The method of providing service should be tailored to your goals, and to the unique circumstances of your case. Once your spouse has been served, they have thirty days to file their “Response” with the court.

    In mediation and Collaborative Divorce cases, service is not necessary because the parties resolve the entirety of their case outside of court. Once a full agreement has been reached, the parties jointly file all of their legal documents with the court.

Contact us at Posey Legal, P.C.

For answers to your questions, or to determine whether you want to retain us to represent you in your divorce, whether litigation, mediation, or Collaborative Divorce, contact us to schedule an initial consultation. You may also call us at (503) 241-0818.

What Happens If Someone Dies Without A Will?

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If a person died intestate in Oregon, which means dying without leaving a will, assets are distributed according to Oregon law. Individuals inherit under what is referred to as Intestate Succession and no matter how much evidence may be available to indicate the intentions of the decedent, without a will, the law must be followed.

Role of the Probate Court

The process begins when someone petitions the court to be the executor and admit the intestate estate to probate. The court will send out notices to those who may be interested to see if someone objects by saying something like, “That person is not trustworthy. I should be the one to administer the estate.” Certain persons are ineligible for serving as executor based on prior criminal convictions or other disqualifying factors. The court will ultimately decide who will have the responsibilities of the personal representative (executor).

The executor must be bonded up to the value of the estate, or in certain instances the court will agree to restrict the assets in lieu of requiring a bond. The executor then proceeds with administering the estate and will ultimately distribute the estate according to the law of Intestate Succession found in the Oregon Statutes.

Overview of Intestate Succession

Oregon laws are quite specific about how assets are distributed when there is no will. An overview of the process begins with a surviving spouse who receives the entire estate even if the spouse and decedent shared children together. If there are children from a previous marriage. Then, generally the spouse inherits half, and the child or children who have a parent who is not the surviving spouse inherit the other half.
The process continues with provisions for children, parents, siblings, cousins, etc. all of whom may be heirs to a share of the estate depending on their relationship to the decedent and whether or not there are heirs that are living that are above them in the line of succession.

If there is no surviving spouse, first and foremost, the estate will pass to the decedent’s children and grandchildren. This means that even if a decedent had a child and had been estranged from that child for 30 years, the estate would still go to that child if the decedent died with no will and no living spouse.

This is true even if there is strong evidence the decedent intended to leave the estate to a brother, parent, aunt, uncle, anyone else. With no will, the child is the one who inherits according to the terms established by law.

If your loved one died without a will, contact a probate attorney at Posey Legal, P.C., for information and assistance.